[Source: National PTA: Our Children Magazine – August 24]

The first month of school is full of new experiences—new teachers, new routines and new classmates. As parents, we want to hear all about it!

But ask, “How was school?” and there’s a good chance you’ll get the classic response: “Fine.”

If you want to hear more about what your child is thinking, feeling and experiencing as the head back-to-school, try engaging questions that spark more than a one-word answer.

Here are 30 questions to help get the conversation started. Keep these in your back pocket to ask when you’re in the car, at dinner—or breakfast!—or winding down for the evening to get your kids talking about their day.  

 

Elementary School: Make It Fun and Specific

For younger children, concrete questions can make it easier to remember and talk about their day. Ask about specific moments, people and feelings rather than school as a whole.

1. What was the funniest thing that happened to you today?
2. If you were the teacher, what rule would you make for the class?
3. Did anyone do anything super silly at recess?
4. Who did you sit with at lunch today? Tell me about them?
5. Who did you spend time with at recess or lunch, and what did you do together?
6. Tell me about something you did today that made you feel (insert emotion – proud, happy, sad, etc.).
7. Tell me about something you did that was really hard.
8. What is your favorite thing to learn? Why do you like it?
9. Did you feel nervous today about something? Tell me about it.
10. What are you most excited to do or learn next week?

 

Middle School: Go Beyond Classes and Homework

Middle school brings more independence, changing friendships and new social dynamics. Questions that give kids room to reflect without making the conversation feel like an interrogation can help open doors and get them talking.

1. What has been the biggest surprise about school so far?
2. Which class do you think you’ll enjoy the most this year? Why?
3. What was the most interesting thing you learned today?
4. Is there a teacher you already feel comfortable talking to? What do you like about them?
5. What part of your school day feels easiest? What part feels the most challenging?
6. Who have you enjoyed spending time with this week?
7. What is one thing you wish your teachers understood about being a middle school student?
8. If you could change one thing about your school day, what would it be?
9. Did you notice anyone being especially kind or helpful this week?
10. What is one thing you’re looking forward to and one thing you’re a little nervous about this year?

 

High School: Ask About the Bigger Picture

As teens become more independent, conversations about school can move beyond grades and assignments. Ask questions that encourage them to think about relationships, goals, challenges and how they want to spend their time.

1. What class seems like it will challenge you the most this year? What makes you think so?
2. Which teacher made the strongest first impression on you? Why?
3. What are you most excited about this school year?
4. If you could change one thing about your school, what would it be and why?
5. What feels different about you going into this school year compared with last year?
6. Is there anything you’re already worried about balancing, schoolwork, activities, friends, work or downtime?
7. What is something you want to accomplish this year just for yourself?
8. Did anything happen this week that made you laugh?
9. Who are the people at school you feel you can turn to when you need help?
10. When you look ahead to the rest of the year, what would make you feel like it was a good one?

 

Keeping the Conversation Going

Kids shut down when they feel like they are being interrogated, so look for natural opportunities to check in. Some kids open up in the car when there’s no pressure to make eye contact. Others talk more while doing something together or right before bed. And if you get a shrug or a one-word answer? Try again another time.

Most importantly, listen to the answers without immediately jumping in with advice or solutions. A simple follow-up like “Tell me more about that” can sometimes lead to the best conversations.

The start of the new school year is just the beginning. Making space for these conversations now can help establish a habit of checking in with each other throughout the year and give your child another reminder that you’re interested not just in how they’re performing at school, but in how they’re experiencing it.